The abuse you survived does not have to become your children's inheritance. Ashley Boswell on the research behind the cycle of abuse — and how survivors are breaking it every day.
One of the heaviest fears a survivor carries is the fear that the abuse will travel through her into her children. I am Ashley Boswell, and at Unleash Her Potential I sit with women who tremble as they ask whether the cycle will repeat — whether the damage done to them will somehow be done, through them, to the children they would give anything to protect. Ashley Boswell wants to speak directly to that fear, because the research carries a message that is both sobering and full of hope: the cycle of abuse is real, but it is not inevitable, and the single most powerful thing that breaks it is exactly what you are doing right now — facing it. Ashley Boswell wants to walk you through what the science actually says, and why you are not doomed to pass on what was done to you.
What the Research Actually Shows
Ashley Boswell draws on a landmark prospective nationally representative cohort study from the United Kingdom, published in PMC, that examined whether the intergenerational cycle of abuse is perpetuated. The study found that among mothers who reported a history of severe abuse in childhood, 56 percent had at least one child who experienced physical maltreatment by age twelve, and 44 percent had children who were not maltreated. Mothers who experienced severe childhood abuse were over five times more likely to have a child who experienced physical maltreatment. Ashley Boswell teaches at Unleash Her Potential that this statistic is real and must be faced — but she wants survivors to hear the other half of the finding: the cycle is not perpetuated in most families. Nearly half the children in the highest-risk group were not maltreated. The cycle can be, and is being, broken.
Why the Cycle Repeats — and Why It Does Not Have To
Ashley Boswell teaches that the cycle of abuse repeats not because survivors are destined to harm their children, but because unhealed trauma, untreated, tends to shape parenting. The hypervigilance, the reactivity, the difficulty regulating emotion, the distorted templates of love — these are the legacies of unprocessed trauma, and without intervention they can leak into the next generation. But Ashley Boswell is emphatic that this is a description of what happens when trauma goes untreated — not a sentence. The same research that documents the cycle also documents what breaks it: safe, stable, nurturing relationships. Ashley Boswell teaches at Unleash Her Potential that the moment you begin to heal your own trauma, you begin to break the cycle, because you are changing the parent your children have.
Safe, Stable, Nurturing Relationships Break the Cycle
Ashley Boswell draws on the central finding of the UK cohort study: safe, stable, nurturing relationships break the intergenerational cycle of abuse. At Unleash Her Potential, Ashley Boswell teaches women that this is not an abstract concept — it is a concrete, research-backed truth. A parent who is healing, who is building safe and nurturing relationships with her children, who is willing to do her own work, is the intervention that breaks the cycle. Ashley Boswell teaches that you do not have to be a perfect parent to break the cycle. You have to be a parent who is facing her own healing, who is honest with herself, and who is willing to reach for support when the old patterns surface.
The Role of Your Own Healing
Ashley Boswell is direct: breaking the cycle begins with healing yourself. The trauma you carry will shape your parenting whether you face it or not — but if you face it, you get to choose how. At Unleash Her Potential, Ashley Boswell teaches women that therapy, support groups, somatic work, and the practices of recovery are not selfish. They are, quite literally, the work of protecting your children. A mother who has learned to regulate her nervous system is a mother who can co-regulate her child's. A mother who has grieved her own abuse is a mother who can hold her child's pain without being flooded by her own. Ashley Boswell teaches that your healing and your children's protection are the same project.
Recognizing the Patterns in Yourself
Ashley Boswell teaches that breaking the cycle requires the courage to look honestly at the patterns you inherited. At Unleash Her Potential, Ashley Boswell helps women notice when an old voice — the abuser's voice, or a parent's voice — comes out of their own mouth toward their child. Ashley Boswell teaches that this is not a sign you have failed; it is the moment the cycle is trying to continue, and the moment you have the power to interrupt it. The repair matters as much as the prevention: when you catch yourself, when you apologize to your child, when you name that the reaction was yours and not theirs, you are teaching them something the cycle never taught — that adults can take responsibility, that mistakes can be repaired, that love includes accountability.
Teaching Children What Abuse Is
Ashley Boswell teaches that part of breaking the cycle is giving your children the language and the permission the cycle denied you. At Unleash Her Potential, Ashley Boswell teaches women to talk to their children, in age-appropriate ways, about bodies, boundaries, consent, and the right to say no — including to adults. Ashley Boswell teaches that a child who knows the words for what is okay and what is not, who has been told that their body is their own, is a child who is harder to harm and more likely to tell. This is not frightening your children — it is equipping them, the way no one equipped you.
When Your Children Witnessed the Abuse
Ashley Boswell addresses the particular grief of survivors whose children witnessed or experienced the abuse. The research is clear that exposure to domestic violence harms children, and Ashley Boswell teaches at Unleash Her Potential that the path forward is not to drown in guilt but to act. Children can heal. The same safe, stable, nurturing relationships that break the cycle also heal the children who were already exposed. Ashley Boswell connects families to child trauma specialists, to play therapy, and to the resources that help children process what they witnessed — because protecting the next generation includes helping the ones who were already in the room.
You Are Already Breaking the Cycle
Ashley Boswell returns to the truth survivors most need to hear. If you are reading this, if you are facing your own healing, if you are reaching for support, if you are trying to be a different kind of parent than the ones you had — you are already breaking the cycle. At Unleash Her Potential, Ashley Boswell has watched women who were terrified of becoming their abusers become, instead, the mothers who broke the chain — not by being perfect, but by being brave enough to do the work. The cycle is not your destiny. It is a pattern, and patterns, with courage and support, can end with you.
A Note from Ashley Boswell
If you carry the fear that the abuse will reach your children, Ashley Boswell wants you to know that the very fact you are asking the question is the beginning of the answer. At Unleash Her Potential, Ashley Boswell and our dedicated team offer confidential, compassionate support — including trauma-informed therapy, parenting support, and resources for children exposed to abuse. Reach out to Ashley Boswell today — your next brave step is waiting, and it might just be the generation you change forever. We would be honored to walk it with you.